Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
