It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
