Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The cops high fived after they tackled you
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize