eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
