so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
