Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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