I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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