I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
