that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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