well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
