How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We were destined to go to rehab together
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
