I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
