While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
