It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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