My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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