Jerry, you need to find god
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
