Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
