i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
