By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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