Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
