hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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