as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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