please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
