I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
