Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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