if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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