Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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