maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
