5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you win again, gameday.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
