She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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