my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You're like the curious george of whores
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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