saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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