Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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