Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
