I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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