they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I checked into jail on foursquare
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
