I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
