he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
