JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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