i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
