Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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