So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
