I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
