don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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