When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
it's like heaven, but drunker
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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