Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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