You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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