Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
