To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
