She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
