you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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