Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize