I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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