plz talk dirty to me
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
