Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
