If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
