strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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