Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
