what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
