During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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