you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
