I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have already put on my inside pants.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
