Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Barsexuality is the new black.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize