I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
