im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
