So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
