she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Terrible idea I love it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
