he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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