Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
