He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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