Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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