Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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