everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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