Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
