You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
