I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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