i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
