White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We are two peas in an std pod
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
