So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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