You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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