Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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