filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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