Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize