well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
