I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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