You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
