I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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