My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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