I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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