im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize