She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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