I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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