So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
