i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
