I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
