forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
