This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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