You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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